As Far As Christmases Go, This One Has Not Been Spectacular

Today I got home at about 10 AM. A friend of mine had me over last night for Christmas Eve dinner, seeing as how he is also alone in the city for the holiday.

His original plan was that we would eat Hungry Man dinners, and then shoot ourselves in the head, but in the end, we settled for the traditional Christmas lasagna, far to much booze, and the newest Tracey Ullman DVD (State of the Union), which was, by the way, fricken hilarious (my favourite character was Padma the pharmacist).

I had a great time, and can I just say let's hear it for alcohol? I mean, it's like this magical feel-good potion that had me laughing and singing and feeling good. Man, I wish I could drink all the time.

Anyways, I bused (bussed?) home this morning, fed the cats, and lied in bed all day. Can't look for work, can't go out, should do laundry but don't feel like it. I've been having a lot of bad dreams about my former workplace lately. Even now I am still slightly hung over and my neck still hurts.

I am usually filled with optimism at the end of the year, as uncharacteristic as that may be. This time, though, just trepidation. I just want to get back to the road.

This is why I can't have nice things...

Because I'm unemployed, that is.

There's nothing like being jobless to make everyone you know suddenly know much better than you.

I'm so far behind in everything I'm doing...

Oh, and one more thing...

The cats are craaaazy about the lazer.

The Story So Far...

Still no job, still single, still everything (which includes the other kinds of "still", i.e. still healthy, still have a roof over my head, still extremely well-fed, etc.).

I had a second-level job interview today...for a video game company! Like my first interview, however, I found out very little about the position, salary, if there were any other employees who spoke English or would I be the first, benefits, etc.. The good news is, if I do get the job I won't start until January, which means I can go home for Christmas.

The bad news is that they will let me know if I got it or not...in 3 weeks.

This puts me in a bit of a quandary. Should I wait until I find out, then HOPE to find a flight home? Should I just not risk it? Obviously, I'll keep looking for work while I wait, but what to do about the holiday?

A tiny voice in my head says: "What! Go! Fly home for the holidays! You haven't been since Easter! Just charge it! You're not going to be unemployed for long!"

A slightly louder voice says: "You won't get this job, or the next, or the next. You will end up at another crap job that does an even worse job at paying the bills than your previous job. You can't afford it, or the new computer you want, either. Heh heh heh. Just saying."

They are both drowned out by a very loud male and female voice, shouting "you buy that ticket and ve'll kill you. You vill not have a very good time if we kill you" in comically exaggerated Russian accents.

My sister advised me to go anyway, but she does not always advise what's best for me.

Have I mentioned, by the way, how many fricken people I have been running into? A couple of weeks ago I saw a guy at a party who was in my class in high school. HIGH SCHOOL, for Pete's sake. The following week I saw this girl who I acted in a couple of plays in with...six years ago.

I think I need to go back to Japan...

Update Coming Soon

Or now, I guess. Dammit, feeling sorry for yourself is a full-time JOB, people. Those entire series of old shows I sort of liked aren't going to re-watch themselves, you know.

Nothing New

Haven't posted anything in a while. I don't know what it is about being in front of my crappy laptop in my dirty apartment that just makes me want to stop thinking. I should be looking for a job. I should be finding a job. Shouldn't I have had at least ONE job interview since that last one?

I was also just about to buy a netbook, just so I could work outside of the home. It's nice to get out once in a while. Then I was going to buy a new laptop to replace this 5 year old piece of crap. In the end, I got cold feet, and I didn't buy anything. It's just as well, I guess, since I have no job.

I have been trying to find work in the video game industry. I am not a computer engineer or programmer or an artist. I have never worked in the industry before. I know it's the hottest industry or whatever, but still, come on. One company can't call me? I'm that unemployable? I resent being told that I suck by an entire industry.

In any case, it looks like I may not be able to go home this Christmas.

YES WE DID!!!

I got to go to a bar tonight and watch Barack Obama get elected the next president of the USA. I also bought a cat laser. This is one of the best days of my life.

I had a second date...

It was sorta fun, but I came to the realization that he's not for me. I know, I know, beggars can't be choosers, but it's all too clear he's not the guy.

For the record, he is a number of very good things: he's tall, thin, likes video games and British comedy and all that good stuff, PLUS he's into the fatticakes (although he says he isn't, which I think is very sweet).

He's clearly in it for the sex, though. Plus he doesn't like to bathe. His words, not mine.

I had a date!?

Yeah, I can't really believe it either. I think he's into short, fat and bald, which is unusual because he's only two of these.

I know, I'm being vague. Suffice it to say, this sort of thing doesn't happen very often. I mean, someone dropping out of the sky to send you an email through plentyoffish telling you how much he's into you.

Well, it was yesterday. Nothing happened (of course. I'm not that kind of guy. He is, though), but I had a fairly good time. It would have been better if we both weren't suffering from colds.

I'm still a little bit in shock. More once I determine the whole thing wasn't just a fever dream.

Freaky Fricken Friday!

I don't deal well with coincidences. When I run into someone from my past it is invariably a bad experience, because I keep in touch with the people I like. Here's a picture:

It doesn't relate to this entry, I just thought it was a while since I posted a picture.

ANYWAYS, last Friday I met with a friend of mine to chat about a documentary he wants to make (he actually does this for a living!). We were on Commercial and we finished around 1 PM. I was meeting some friends way down Broadway, but not until that evening, so I figured I'd go for a good, long walk. Pump up my pedometer a little. I still have a great time exploring this city, I had time to kill. Whatever, I like long walks! I'm not on trial here!

So I'm walking for about 20 minutes when I see a little computer store across the street. Those of you who have been following my enthralling blog (or "enthralblog") know I am currently in the market for a netbook. So I cross the street and go in.

The first thing I see is this guy, Mike. He works from time to time as a contractor at the place where I had been working (before this bout of unemployment. I'll tell you about it sometime). He didn't recognize me without my shirt and tie, but I said "hi" and we chatted for a bit. Okay, not so bad, right? Hi, nice to see you, getting your computer fixed? No, we have no netbooks, we have no netbooks today. So I keep walking.

Keep in mind that this is not my neighbourhood and it's nowhere near where I used to work. Vancouver is a large city, from what I've been told. Therefore, running into someone like that is a bit unusual.

I keep walking for a while and I finally reach my destination for the evening, about four hours early. I figured I would pop into the nearest Starbucks, order something large and sweet, crowbar myself into one of those cushy chairs and play PSP or write some notes for a few hours. There are worse ways to spend your afternoon when you're unemployed.

First things first, however. I go to the washroom, "freshen up" (by expelling urine from my bladder), then as I walk out of the washroom I see something in the cafe that I did not see coming in:

MY FORMER BOSS

Not the one from the job I just had, the one from the job I had prior to that, which I had escaped with the last remaining shreds of my dignity and sanity, balls thoroughly busted. She was having a meeting with the other regional bosses. Her back was to me. I have no idea whether or not she saw me, but I got the hell out of that place. Of all the Starbucks in all the world...

So I go, quivering, to another cafe across the street and attempt to calm myself with an iced chai. This place was bigger, and it had a whole separate section with big comfy chairs. As soon as an opening presented itself, I plopped into one of the seats and settled my ass in for a good afternoon's relax. Of course, I don't think this would be a very interesting post if that was the end of it...

Right smack in the middle of the room was this woman. I hadn't seen her in about, ooo, seven years. We had been in a couple of plays together, but she had become distant and unfriendly for some reason and I wrote her off as a cow. THIS WAS BACK IN EDMONTON, remember.

Chances are, whoever reading this is a more well-adjusted person than I am and is probably not used to the experience of having someone you once knew and spoke to regularly become that person you walk past in the hall without acknowledging or without them acknowledging you. She was one of these people, and she was one of many. One of the main reasons I left Edmonton in the first place was to escape from these burned bridges.

And there she was! I wasn't sure it was her (this woman's hair was much nicer and silkier, as if she'd discovered some new conditioner in the past few years), so I didn't say anything, and she didn't say anything, though I'm sure she recognized me. So I ended up sitting in that coffee shop for several hours, playing my little video games, glancing at her surreptitiously, trying to find some sort of signal that it wasn't really her and I could relax, and the whole reason she wasn't coming over to say "hi" was because we had never met.

I think a lot of people reading this may have some trouble understanding why this was all so unpleasant. I think it's one of those "you have to have an anxiety disorder to understand" types of things.

In any case, it was all I could do to go outside the coffee shop again.

OH, but there is a bright spot to this story. I ended up taking the bus quite late. I arrived at Marine Drive and checked the bus schedule, and saw that my bus (the last bus of the night) was not due for 25 minutes. It was cold as ass and I was underdressed, so I figured I might as well start walking. In 25 minutes, I could at least get halfway home.

I had been walking for about 5 minutes (and was no longer anywhere near a bus stop) when suddenly I saw my bus coming by! 20 minutes early! This was not unusual in my experience with the bus service in this city, but what WAS unusual was the fact that the bus pulled up next to me and ITS DOOR OPENED!!

Long story slightly less long, the driver was actually late, not early (his was the previous bus) and he actually recognized me, despite the fact that it was from behind, I was wearing a hat, it was nighttime and he was in a moving vehicle. He even knew where my stop was. I'm sure if he hadn't picked me up, I would have caught something, or at least been very cold.

If there is some sort of cosmic message here, it has been lost on me.

Damn.

Cool vidjo!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJzU3NjDikY

I can't even imagine how long it must have taken them to make this film, and how mind-bogglingly taedious (I like to spell it that way, shut up) it must have been to make it. Please watch it, then give them a nice comment, if you are so inclined.

+4 pts. to Faith in Humanity!

I just found a website that put me in a good mood all day. It offers advice to people who will still insist on using the word "gay" to mean "bad", "lame" or "stupid":

http://thinkb4youspeak.com/

This has long been a thorn in my heart. I never thought that there would be people out there who would bother to make a statement about it! I can think of a few people who need to have this link sent to them. Like some former co-workers. And everyone in Alberta. Well, I exaggerate. A bit.

I NEED A JOB!

There's just so much stuff I want to buy!

My dream is to work for one of the video game companies, but not having any skills, it's a bit difficult to gain entry into this highly sought-after field. I'd love to do something involving editing or writing. Nothing left to do but keep searching.

I would like to thank all my fan for her encouragement, though, and assure her that I'm feeling much better now, thank you.

Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving!

DENIED!

Didn't get the job.

I wonder how hard it is to become an alcoholic? They have all the answers.

My Weight Loss Coach

I am trying out My Weight Loss Coach for the Nintendo DS. I'm finding it surprisingly charming! Far from being an instructional workout program or a series of checklists, it's a very interactive all-round health coach. It comes with a pedometer that I wore all day today during my big walk (7500 steps).

It gives you little daily challenges, ranging from "eat a piece of cheese" to "jog until you see an animal". Plus, there are a bunch of mini-quizzes and unlockables that keep you motivated. Over it all, it monitors your weight, daily activity, what you eat, and probably more (which I have to unlock), and a little stick-man teaches and encourages throughout. I like that little guy. So far...

Jorb Interview...

I had a job interview today for a job I really want, which is the worst, of course. I felt good going in, but then I started babbling and my voice went all hoarse. I really want this job. Pray for Mojo...

I then walked quite a lot of the way home, almost halfway, I think. Considering my bus ride there was an hour and a half, I think I did fairly well. It's my goal to someday drop the fat from short, fat, bald, ugly.

I know what netbook I want!

I just realized I haven't been consistent with capitalizing the titles of my posts. As titles, each word should be capitalized (with certain exceptions, as per essay or book titles, etc.), but I don't know what the blog protocol (or "blogocol") is regarding titles. If anyone knows, please feel free to let me know.

I know the netbook I want! After long consultation with a knowledgeable friend of mine and plenty of research on the internet-web, I have chosen the Asus Eee PC 1000HA! I think! Actually, I was just researching it a bit more at liliputing.com, the best netbook review website I have found, and it seems that the 1000HA won't have built in 802.11n and probably no Bluetooth!? This bears more research. Do I REALLY need Bluetooth? And similar questions.

Maaaaaaybe I'll just wait until I have a job first...

XKCD!

I also have never posted a link before, and what better way to practice than to show everyone this great web-comic:

http://xkcd.com/

A good friend of mine told me about this great comic. If you're anything like me, i.e. not the sharpest quill in the porcupine, then you'd better keep another window open with Wikipedia on it. You'll see why.

I spent a part of the day reading through all the archives. It's like much of my favourite comedy, in that it knows how to be silly and smart at the same time.

By the way, I hyphenated "web-comic" on purpose, just to see what it would look like if this entry were created in the mid-1800s. But for those of you that noticed, good for you!

What an asshole I've been!

What with my parents' visit and the fact that I'm intensely lazy, I haven't posted in an indecent, nay downright pornographic length of time, and I let all my fan down.

What's the blog etiquette, or "bletiquette", regarding addressing a comment poster directly in your blog entry? I somehow get the feeling it's not right, like I'm breaking some sort of fourth wall. Yes? No? Anyways, Grumpus, you are a very kind person for taking the time, even just to type a few lines. I hope something pleasant happens to you.

Anyways, I've never posted a picture before so here's one for practice:

6 AM and the cats are fed

I are need slpleep, sleep 3 am to now, need.

Routine is suffers, still no job.

So do it, findfcccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc

The Sour Grapes Line

Has this ever happened to you:

You spot, quite by accident, an ad, or the front page of a newspaper, maybe even a poster somewhere with someone you know (or once knew) in it. They have just won some sort of award or have a principal role in a low-budget film or appear in an ad. You see it somewhere or someone you know mentions it to you and it just comes out of nowhere.

There are all sorts of reactions a person could have to this sort of thing, ranging from pleasure or even pride ("I knew him!") to slight bemusement to indifference, but then you cross a certain line into negativity. I call it the "Sour Grapes Line". This is a bitter line. And sour, I guess.

This is when you suddenly feel bad. Maybe you see this person's success as somehow underscoring your own failure (or perceived failure), maybe it's just a person you didn't like and you wanted to be the one THEY spotted in the entertainment section of the newspaper. Maybe they were mean to you a long time ago and mean people don't deserve success, right? Right? Right? Right? (you tend to ask a lot of people this question. You also tend to get left alone at parties a lot)

I don't handle this sort of thing well. In fact, I handle it badly. It's like suddenly swallowing a ball of lead. My stomach just drops and everything in the world seems like it's 5 feet further away from me. I brood and brood and bad memories just come flooding back, and I try to distract myself but as soon as I stop I remember what it was that put me in such a bad mood in the first place.

This is one of the many things I hate about myself, just so you know. Of course, I'm not proud of all this. I should wish for success for others and lord help me I TRY to be positive (this has been my struggle over the past year), but old habits die hard. I am very unskilled at letting shit go. It hold me back enormously in so many ways I can't even begin to describe.

Someday, maybe once I've known you for five or six years and we both happen to be very very drunk, I'll tell you about it.

Parental Visit 2000

My parents are visiting from Edmonton. We're having a pretty good time, seeing the city, goin' to Costco (it's like Disneyland). They are enjoying my cats.

On the job front: no, not yet.

My parents LENT me a hefty sum to pay for October's rent and bills, which sucks, of course. To think I would still need my parents' help at my age. Fuck, who would have thought my SISTER would end up as the successful one?

I find I often think of things to blogabout (not a typo; "blogabout" is a new word which I invented just now when I typed it on purposes)...sorry, that should be "about which to blog" (whoops, there goes my new word) but when I finally get to my computer I have lost the inclination. Blogclination? Anyways, that will TOTALLY change once I get my Asus EEE...

I want to make a comic

I was supposed to make a comic strip with a friend of mine, who insisted that they wanted to make a funny product and be successful and bla bla bla but when it came to actually putting in the work, they vanished. This happened twice.

So, screw them, I'm going to make my own comic. Unfortunately, this means I will need to develop some sort of artistic ability, which won't happen short of a miracle or genie wish. Welllllllll...I'll think of something...

Have you seen QI yet?

This is my favourite show. QI, short for "Quite Interesting", is a show in England hosted by the infinitely wonderful Stephen Fry. The format is of a panel show and you learn AMAZING things and laugh your ass off.

I'm not going to tell you any more, just you go and YouTube it. Quite frankly, I think it's one of the best things ever to be aired in the history of Television. You'll see.

I woke up at 6 PM today

I didn't mean for it to happen. I went to sleep last night at about 3 AM, got up at 6:30 AM to feed the cats, went back to bed at 7:30 AM.

I think I woke up at 11 AM, had breakfast...mooched around...then I went back to bed. Oh lord. When I woke up it was 6.

Not a productive day.

I want a new computer!

Last night, a friend and I went to the Dell website and built my fantasy computer.

It cost $9000!?

Another friend told me that computers don't normally cost that much, but I think he's jealous. Of my fantasy computer.

In happier news, somebody posted Tumbletown Tales on YouTube, and those Eureka! physics cartoons that taught me high school physics when I was in grade 3. Awesome.

I realize I have nothing of value to post. Whoops!

SATURDAY NITE!

So of course, I'm home. I don't know a lot of people in this city yet, so that's my excuse, but let's face it, I was never Mr. Party-pants.

This week: I delivered a few resumes in person to a couple of video game companies in the city (wouldn't it be AWESOME...) and made a cake. It was one of those cake mix double-fudge jobbies. It is amazing how a cake mix with super-moist deluxe dream cakener supreme deluxe on the box could taste so terrible. It was all I could do to choke it down.

Today, I made a bunch of ground beef, put it into spaghetti sauce and made several days' worth of spaghetti meals. This one turned out better.

I have no idea what I'm going to do tomorrow...

I KNOW!

Send me a person, place, thing, and or genre. I'll write something involving those things.

By the way, these energy drinks are DELICIOUS. Some of them taste like Tahiti Treat. Anyone remember Tahiti Treat?

It's hard!

It's hard to write something every day! Especially if you're unemployed and your life is at a near-standstill. I have a lot of opinions about things, but they are shared by most decent, clear-thinking individuals, so there's no point in posting those.

I live in what's considered to be a "first-world" country, there's plenty of food and water, manageable disease and no major disasters (knock on wood). I myself am in good health and EXTREMELY well-fed.

I guess I shouldn't complain.

OMG SOMEBODY POSTED A COMMENT OMG ICBI PROOT SLORPZZORR!

I don't believe it, but some wonderful person has actually posted a positive comment on my blog! I HAVE A COMMENT ON MY BLOG. Calm down, calm...down. People read other peoples' blogs every day, why not yours? Your blog isn't any less valid than those of others, right? You can't react like this every time you receive a comment. GOD you're stupid.

Anyways, thank you! I am TOTALLY going to post another entry now! I mean, other than this.

Unemploy'd!

I lost my job recently. It was a crap job, but it sure paid the bills. Nevertheless, this is my BIG CHANCE!

Your chance for what, I hear you asking, eerily. Why, my chance to find a job I actually like, says I to your disembodied voice.

I've been living in the quite frankly awesome fricken city for a year now. I love Vancouver, but getting settled into a life has been an ordeal wrapped in a trial, covered in tests. Shitty jobs, ker-AZAY bosses, conniving co-workers, a tight job market, and here's little me, small town Joe trying to make it in the big city. Go, Gordon! Don't give up, Gordon!

I have been searching for about three weeks, to no avail. I'm not giving up yet, though. One of the things I wanted to do more of now that I live in this city is write. Being a colossally lazy bastard, however, I have decided to start a blog to force myself to write every day, in the mistaken belief that people will be checking my blog regularly or at all.

Well, here goes. Whoops, my quesadilla is ready. God, I'm fat.